I missed out on everything else before that little 3 letter word. “BUT.” Everything else was okay with Colton’s scan, but….what was coming next? I remember being told there was something showing in his heart. A blood clot or a mass. Not to worry too much. Come back in two months. Blood work will also be done to rule out anything genetic.
When I got home and processed that my son will be followed by a cardiologist for some time I did realize that this is probably not a big deal. I know many, many parents that have dealt with children with far bigger health/heart issues. I know that. Yet, as a mom, hearing that there is anything wrong with my child’s heart is a big deal to me.
I was letting myself feel guilty for being upset by the news-but then I realized as his mom- even if this is not the biggest heart issue in the world-it IS HIS heart issue. I am HIS mom. I need to be HIS advocate for health issues no matter how big or small they might be. I am still a good mom!
That being said, I have been thinking a lot about being Colton’s mom in particular.
I believe that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle (not due to any specific verse in the Bible-but due to God’s overall character throughout the whole thing). However, life frequently does give us lots more than we can handle by ourselves. Thankfully, God does promise to be with us through everything so we can handle all situations life throws at us. That being said, having my little preemie miracle has brought me a great deal of testing in my patience, trusting God’s plan 100%, and not worrying about things. Not worrying is by far the HARDEST. This experience has also humbled me greatly. In Colton’s time in the NICU, I saw SO many babies born preterm. Many babies had a much greater struggle than Colton. So many full term babies have health struggles. I am beyond blessed that Colton did so well. I pray that I never lose the humble feeling over being this blessed. That I never lose the awe and wonder and thankfulness I feel. So, being Colton’s health advocate, I do have another prayer request for Colton. I am trusting God to completely take this away – I’ve seen the power of prayer working for Colton since before he was born. I am praying that this “thing” in the ECHO is that he has a blood clot in his heart that is being reabsorbed by his body. I never thought I’d be praying for my son to have a blood clot in his heart. But- this is by far better than the “spot” on the ECHO being a mass of any other sort. The doctor we go to is amazing. She is almost 100% certain that this is a blood clot and it will dissolve on its own. She has also assured us beyond a shadow of a doubt that this isn’t going to break off and cause problems-as that is the first thought when almost anyone hears “blood clot”. We will know more on August 29th when Colton has a follow up ECHO. Thanks for reading and for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.