I am finally back! I have been getting used to having a 2nd little boy in the house. Baby Boy #2 made his arrival 8 weeks and 1 day earlier than planned. It has been a journey!! I plan on posting things I wrote during that time and getting back into blogging about the products I am trying out.
Here is something written during our NICU journey.
Colton is one month old today! And- he still isn’t even supposed to be born yet!! I was thinking about this yesterday when I left the hospital and I felt like I was at my emotional breaking point. In my car, I shed some tears and was almost to the sobbing stage when the song “While I’m Waiting” by John Waller came on the radio. I’m waiting I’m waiting on You, Lord And I am hopeful I’m waiting o…n You, Lord Though it is painful But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident Taking every step in obedience While I’m waiting I will serve You While I’m waiting I will worship While I’m waiting I will not faint I’ll be running the race Even while I wait
I’m waiting I’m waiting on You, Lord And I am peaceful I’m waiting on You, Lord Though it’s not easy But faithfully, I will wait Yes, I will wait I will serve You while I’m waiting I will worship while I’m waiting I will serve You while I’m waiting I will worship while I’m waiting I will serve you while I’m waiting I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord
I stopped crying instantly – no small feat for me! I heard God speaking to me through this song and just realized that God is in control, His timing is perfect, and I’m absolutely nowhere near my breaking point. I just needed a time out to shed some tears.
People often say that God won’t give us more than we can handle. But- that’s not scripture and very misleading. The truth is that we won’t be tempted beyond what we can stand – there will always be a way out (1 Corinthians 10:13). AND- we will never be alone. God will be with us through anything and everything (Deuteronomy 31:8, Joshua 1:9 for a few). Life often gives people WAY more than they can handle-even in scripture (2 Corinthians 1:8-9). Alone. But we are not alone. And I believe my God and His promises in His Word. Therefore, I must also strive to obey God’s commands. And, He commands me to not worry about tomorrow (Matthew 6:34). This means, God has lifted me up on my feet again and is leading me on day by day. He has also said to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17, Psalm 50:15). And I am. Believe me I am.
So- lest anyone perceive my outward appearance and my striving to not worry as not caring; my lack of worry is not a lack of concern. To me- that saying that being a mom is like having a piece of your heart walking around outside of your body- is so very true. And, a piece of my heart is not where I want it to be and until it is –and even then, who am I kidding- I will be full of concern. But, God has convicted me to give Him the worry.
Also, to the amazing people in my life that have been a support system through this time, thank you from the bottom of my heart. My biggest support if the husband God has given me. He is the most amazing husband. Colton (and Kolin) has an amazing daddy. I am so very thankful for him. For everyone that has been praying, listening, sending flowers and cards, for just giving me a hug, and even a “like” or a comment on facebook. Thank you. I am also SO thankful that people have not tried to “play doctor” and give me medical advice that’s either the same of different than that of Colton’s care team. (That would make this mommy crazy!) Besides-Colton’s NOT sick. All the prayers for a healthy baby were answered with a yes! Praise God! Colton is just finishing his gestational period on the outside. And- he is right on track. Praise & thanks to Jesus for this! (Yes, I’d like him to finish faster-but God’s timing.) As for his bicuspid heart valve- God has given me the peace to not worry about that as well. I’m told by the doctor’s in the NICU that it isn’t a big concern and even though I have about a thousand questions for the cardiologist- I am not worrying right now.
But again- not worrying does not equate to not caring.
So, from now until my son is out of the hospital- and even beyond for both my sons- I will take as many time outs for some tears as I need- and then keep going- because God will pick me up and hold me close and tell me again to not worry, I’m not breaking forever, because He is with me. Always.